I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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