She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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