I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
