I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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