Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
