You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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