My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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