If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
