just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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