I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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