some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
