I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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