Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
