so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
