Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
