so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
