so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Boobs are out for the taking
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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