So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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