Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
