I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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