on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We need to get me chipped asap
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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