im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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