Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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