my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
