You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
