my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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