She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
