He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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