Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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