What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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