he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
