do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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