just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
