Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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