I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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