Just cropdusted the office
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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