when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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