Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
