i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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