"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
