So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Maybe he injected his testicle?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
