It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
