they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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