at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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