Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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