Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
