What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
