I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
