My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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