There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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