please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
