The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
