cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
