yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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