we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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