i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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