slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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