Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
