Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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