Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
