I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
