My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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