nut hugger
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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