she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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