Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She is in my trunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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