She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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