I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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