This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And then he peed in my hair
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